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Extra Credit Reading: Rouse. Giant Crab
For this last extra credit reading I read from a group of stories by Rouse. I particularly enjoyed one story called "The Lion and the B...
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Hello everybody, my name is Hayden Spielman and I am the author of this great blog. I have spent my entire life in the ... -
There once was a bratwurst named Big Mac. He lived in the deli meat section of a refrigerator. With him lived a hot dog named Lil Mac as we...
Hi, Hayden!
ReplyDeleteYou have a great first story for your portfolio. You are the one who is really into mountain climbing, right? It shows. I like the way that you incorporated the dice game into this. The adventure is started with an "unfortunate" dice roll then ends with a fortunate roll. It is definitely a better scenario that a corrupt game of dice that helps cause a war. It is also interesting that you did a gender bend of Draupadi. We also read the same version of the Mahabharata, but I do not remember anything about that horse. Maybe I was not paying attention at that part. The only thing I have to suggest is maybe continuing on after Draup beats the horse in the dice game. Like you could have him reach the top and see some splendid view that made his loss during the first game of dice all worth it. Overall, you have a great story. Keep up the good work!
To begin, I really enjoyed this story. I think that you’ve made a wonderful rendition of the original story with a modern touch with respect to the dialogue. I would hate to limit you, but I would like to see more of this modern sense in your future writings if you feel like it would be appropriate. However, while the body of the story is very interesting and I wouldn’t change the actual, I will make a few suggestions of things that I would’ve liked to have seen added. For instance, the story begins by describing a wager that was placed between Bhima and Druap. It states one side of the wager, but not the other. I would like to know what would happen if Draup wins. You could possibly revisit whatever the other side of bet, even if things still go the way you had them planned. I think this would add a level of mystery excitement to the story. But regardless, this was still a solid story and fun to read.
ReplyDeleteHi, Hayden!
ReplyDeleteI like how you added a section to introduce yourself as the author. In your story 1, you used your creativity to well incorporate the gambling theme into your story. It is a bonus that you shortened the names of the characters, because they were so hard to remember when I was reading the original story. I have some suggestions to make. In your introduction, you stated that your portfolio will be about tales of Ramayana and Mahabharata. It will be better if you can give some brief description for the two Indian Epics. So the readers will know more about what stories you are going to write. If I were you, I would change the title “Story 1” to “A Game of Chance”. Although you explained enough information in your author’s note, you might want to expand it a little to meet the requirement. Overall, I enjoyed reading your introduction and story 1 of your Epics Portfolio. I look forward to read more of your stories!
Hey, Hayden.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear you can;t keep your dog with you a the moment...,
Your Portfolio of stories is definitely turning out interesting so far!
reading through your first story I like how original it is compared to the source material. It feels like you took some of the ideas from the source material but then made your own story from them. I like when these projects attempt that.
Now for some criticism. My main critique of your story is the aspect of the horse. I like the idea of there being a "gatekeeper" on the mountains, it allows for an obstacle that can be overcome by the characters. But by it being a horse I was somewhat pulled out of the story when I read that the horse was rolling the dice. I don't know, it may just be me, but when I read that I couldn't help but laugh a little bit at the picture it brought up.
Hey Hayden,
ReplyDeleteI am a student from Professor Gibbs' Myth and Folklore class and I think you did an awesome job! I have very little experience when it comes to your classes' subject matter, but story-wise I think you were great! I liked your premise stems from a bet, with it ending with the least invested brother succeeding. Like I said, I think you did a great job with introducing the story, even though you fast-forwarded to the actual expedition. With that said, my only suggestion for you is to consider expanding on the ending. What happens to the last standing brother? What happens to the other brothers? How does the horse come into play? These are some of the questions that I feel you can answer. Overall, it's up to you! I think you did an amazing job as is! Great job and good luck with the class!
Hayden,
ReplyDeleteFirst of all I really loved your idea to add 'about the author' to your homepage, which led me to your introduction post. I thought that was such a cool idea! In terms of your layout, there are a few things I would change to make it look cleaner and more put together. I would definitely change the link names of your stories to their actual names instead of story #1 and story #2. This will help your reader know what they are getting into, and possibly lead them to really want to read one of them. I think it would be nice to add more of a teaser about your stories to your homepage as well. All of these things help your reader know what they are about to read. You want them to be interested.
I really enjoyed story 2, but you should definitely add a title to it! It was so funny and interesting. I loved that you took the leap to relate fast food to one of the Jataka Tales. Many of the Jataka Tales are meant to be or written to be kids stories, so I thought what you did was very fitting. Story 1, was very interesting and a drastic change from your first. I loved the description and flow of that story.
Hey Hayden! I wanted to start by saying that your writing itself is such a great read! You did a good job with setting up the plot and the characters. Story two was my favorite! I loved how you took the original aspects of the epics and molded it into something so unique and clever. I do have suggestions about your layout itself though. I know it may sound superficial but the aesthetics of your portfolio are lacking. I think if you added some interesting pictures to your banner backgrounds it would help a lot with that. I know that you have titles for your stories but changing the labels from Story 1 or 2 to those titles would be great addition to your portfolio. Also, switching the order of the stories so that Story 1 is right after Home would help with the organization of your portfolio. Other than that I think you did a great job!
ReplyDeleteHey Hayden.
ReplyDeleteI really liked your stories I had already read the burger one before on your blog, but I had not ever read the other one before. They were really good stories. I like your website design. The only thing I wished you did differently with the design is that you put your story names at the top of the page instead of story 1 and 2 because then I feel like it might draw people towards a particular story more. The author’s note for the burger story was good and explained the original story well to others who have not read it before. The author’s note for the mountain story was a little iffier. All in all, they were both really good stories. I hope you have a good rest of the semester, and I hope to read more of your stories in the future.
Hello Hayden!
ReplyDeleteI really like the setup of your page. I like how you added a section for "about the author". That is a great way to get your audience interested in your page! I would steal your idea but it is a little late in the semester. Also, in your introduction i think you should give a brief explanation or background for the Ravana and the Mahabharata. I was kind of surprised to read your story and find the you made a horse the gatekeeper of the mountain. I think it would have been more appropriate to have one of the characters from the stories . Other than that you did a great job!
-Taylor
Hi Hayden! Wow, I really enjoyed exploring and reading your portfolio. My favorite part about “A Game of Chance” was how you incorporated a game as your main theme, and how the story develops through this game—this was very unique. I also liked the image you picked! I also liked how this was all an adventure, and how you used the setting as your reflection of the original stories you’ve read. My favorite part about “The Jealous Wiener” was your twist on the original story. I think you did a great job portraying jealousy. One thing I did wonder about was the overall look of your portfolio. What if you added in a more colorful picture to your introduction? I feel the theme of the look doesn’t go that well with your creative stories. Other than that, I truly enjoyed reading your twists on stories you’ve read in this course. Great work!
ReplyDeleteI wish you had four stories instead of three, as these were so much fun to read! I liked how different and willy-nilly they were. If there is a way for the titles to show in the little tabs at the top and for the tabs to be in numerical order, I would suggest trying that out! I loved the link to the About the Author page as well.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite story was about Lil Mac. I thought it was so clever to use hot dogs and hamburgers to make such a serious story into a funny one. It was done very well and was actually kind of cute!
I also really enjoyed the burglar story. I liked that you made them human and continued to add a cute element to your stories with the brave little 8 year old, so in a way, the stories got to fit together.